madeyefires_sandboxfandomcom-20200213-history
Polyamorous Parenting
Many polyamorists have children, either within the relationship(s) or from previous relationships. Like other elements of polyamory, the way children are integrated into the family structure varies widely. Some possibilities are: * Parents are primarily responsible for their own children (biological, adoptive, or step-), but other members of the relationship act as an extended family, providing assistance in child-rearing. * Adults raise children collectively, all taking equal responsibility for each child regardless of consanguinity. * Parents are wholly responsible for their own children, with other members of the relationship relating to the children as friends of the parents. * Children treat parents' partners as a form of stepparent or are told to think of them as aunts and uncles. The choice of structures is affected by timing: an adult who has been present throughout a child's life is likely to have a more parental relationship with that child than one who enters a relationship with people who already have a teenage child. (The issues involved often parallel those of step-parenting.) The degree of logistical and emotional involvement between the members of the relationship is also important: a close-knit triad already living under one roof with shared finances is far more likely to take a collective approach to parenting than would a larger, loose-knit group with separate living arrangements: ::"Some poly families are structured so that one parent can be home to care for the children while two or more other adults work outside the home and earn an income, thus providing a better standard of living for all concerned. More adult caretakers means more people available for child care, help with homework, and daily issues such as transportation to extracurricular activities. Children thrive on love. The more adults they have to love them who are part of the family, the happier and more well-adjusted they are. There is no evidence that growing up in a poly family is detrimental to the physical, psychological or moral well being of children. If parents are happy in their intimate relationships, it helps the family. Happy families are good for children."http://www.polyamoryonline.org/parenting.html Whether children are fully informed of the nature of their parents' relationship varies, according to the above considerations and also to whether the parents are "out" to other adults. In one possible case indicative of the law related to parenting and polyamory in the United States, the Pennsylvania State Supreme Court in 2006 voted 5–1 that a father in a custody case had the right to teach his child (age 13) about polygamy (and hence possibly by implication about other multiple partner relationships), and that this right "trumped" the anti-bigamy and other laws that might apply and was not deemed inherently harmful to the child. (Note: this decision was made in the context of religious freedom, but religious freedom would not apply if there was harm to the child.)[http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/data2/pennsylvaniastatecases/supreme/j-97-2004mo.pdf Shepp v. Shepp, J-97-2004], 2006, Pennsylvania Supreme Court. The opinion stated that: the state's interest in enforcing the anti-bigamy law "is not an interest of the 'highest order'" that would trump a parent's right to tell a child about deeply held religious beliefs, and that a court may prohibit a parent from advocating religious beliefs that amount to a crime if doing so jeopardizes the child's physical or mental health or safety, or potentially creates significant social burdens, but that in this case it was not felt that discussing multiple partner relationships as a parents' preference or presenting or advocating them as desirable to the parent, was harmful. Custody ramifications Parents involved in polyamorous relationships often keep it a secret because of the risk that it will be used by an ex-spouse, or other family member, as grounds to deprive them of custody of or access to their children. The fear is that it will be used in family disputes much as homosexuality has been used in the past.